My Testimony

My Testimony
Annie Shields
I started thinking about God and what would happen if I died when I was about 10 years old. I can remember sitting at my desk and pondering where I would go when I died. To me there were only two options: I would either die and go into the earth and that’s it, or I would go to heaven, become an angel, and sit on a cloud singing and playing harps for all of eternity.
My life began to change when my little sister was born in 2001. My mom had some complications afterwards, and blood clots formed around her lungs. She was hospitalized for several weeks, and I was sent to stay with some families that we knew. Shortly after my mom left the hospital, we began going to church. I had met the Wingerds while my mom was in the hospital, and we began attending the same church that they did. When they decided to leave and start their own church we went with them.
In this church I began to learn about the Bible and what it said about Hell, and that all who did not believe would perish there for eternity. I also realized that I could die any day, and I was'nt certain whether I was truly saved or not. During this time we had a rash of tornadoes sweep through our state, several of them very close to us. I have always had a fear of tornadoes, but then I was more terrified than I had ever been. One night when I was really scared I prayed that God would save me. I felt a little better, and for the next few months that prayer was my source of comfort. Whenever I would feel afraid of death, my mind would go back to that night when I prayed, and I would assure myself that I was saved, so I didn't need to worry.
Despite my prayer for salvation, my life was not showing the fruit of a true believer. I very freely told lies to get myself out of trouble, and I had gotten to the point where I didn’t feel guilty about it. I also had little or no desire to read my Bible or pray and only did so when prompted by my mom, who had by this time become a Christian. I know now from what the Bible says abut a true believer that I was not one. A Christian is someone who is continually repenting of sin, and desires to obey the commandments of the Bible. This is possible because they are filled with the Holy Spirit who enables them to pursue holiness. Galatians 5:22-23 says, “ The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. . .“ I saw none of these things at all in my life, and I really had no desire for them.
As I watched the lives of the others in my church, I began to realize that there was something different in my life. I began to try to change my actions when I was around those people, but at home or around other friends I still acted the same way. This went on for a while, but I began to be disturbed by it. I had started reading my Bible because I wanted to, and as I read, I saw things that indicated to me that I was deceiving people by my life. I began to realize that my prayer for salvation had not been true, and once more I was frightened by the thought of where I would go when I died.
Not long after this, I woke up one night in the middle of a storm. I was scared, and I began again to think about eternity. Where would I go? I began to pray, but this time with an earnestness and a seriousness I hadn’t had before. I acknowledged to God that I was living a life that was sinful, and I begged Him to save me, and prayed that He would help me to live only for Him for the rest of my life. I believe this is the point in which I was truly saved.
Ever since then I have been encouraged by the fruit I’ve seen in my life, and I believe that I do have the Spirit of God in me. I do fail often, but I cannot and will not stop pursuing holiness, by the grace of God. I know now where I am going to go when I die, and that is heaven, to be with Christ, and to sing praise to God for all of eternity.